Wow, it's completely different here. I don't know if it's in regular Blogger yet, or just draft.blogger, but I've got the new interface and it's awesome. It'll take me a while to learn where everything is, but it's so easy to get stats and a lot fits on the page. The font is also small and light and a bit hard for me to read, but I'll likely get used to that.
I imagine it's all part of the total integration of Google's products now that they've got Google+ in beta (and let me tell you, it's a pain to keep typing that plus sign, having to shift and all). Google+, which I managed to get, is rather cool. Not many people are on it now, so it's hard to judge, but I can see it competing evenly with Facebook, maybe even overcoming the FB juggernaut one of these days. Google is cool. FB isn't really cool and has had more privacy issues than Google has had. Or so it seems.
~~~o0o~~~
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Friday, July 01, 2011
On Friendship in the Social Media Age
Gonna get a bit personal, without going into recognizable details. My best friend, hereafter referred to as ex-BFF, and I have agreed to let our friendship die the natural death it's been heading for over the last few years. We've been friends -- real life friends -- for more than a quarter century, so it's a bit sad and shocking, but also a relief, given the tension of the past few years.
She was my 3rd official best friend. There was the one in high school (and with whom I am now again friends) and the one from one of my first full-time jobs. And ex-BFF has already been replaced, by someone who over the past few years of tension between me and ex-BFF, slid almost unnoticed into the slot.
Ex-BFF and I became friends first as penpals. We had interests in common and discovered each other through shared interests. We lived only a couple of hours away from each other by train, so we arranged to meet and hit it off immediately. And yet, there were signs, as I look back, of problems.
With new BFF, I've never felt tension. We have political arguments and we back away from that when things get too tense, but it never makes me feel irritated with her. But with ex-BFF, I felt irritation at times, more so as the years progressed. And I know she felt it, too. The time she slammed the phone down, then called back to see if I'd realized she was annoyed was my first sign. And I ignored it. Only when I realized the things we had in common that formed the foundation of our friendship were gone did I see the truth. Our friendship was dying and we were doing nothing to nurture it. Our lives had grown too complicated. Our schedules were too different. Did we grow apart? Did we develop different interests? Or did our differences that once didn't matter become things that couldn't be overlooked or ignored any longer? Unless we found replacements for what was gone, and ways to make the differences not matter again, our friendship would not be nurtured; it would flounder and die. And I couldn't get her to talk with me about it.
And then came the comment on Facebook.
I'd talked her into trying FB, see, because that's where I spend much of my online time. I prefer keeping in touch with friends there than composing long emails. Quick status updates, links to things I like, etc. And FB allows a bit more interaction than Twitter. So she joined FB.
I have a lot of friends I've met online. Some of them, I've even gotten to meet in real life. A few I met through flickr and we've gone out on photoshoots together. I've met a couple of people I know from my AOL days. From the early days of AOL message boards, to today's myriad social networks, I've become comfortable interacting with like-minded and/or interesting people online. A lot of my old schoolmates are on FB as are former work colleagues and friends I've made through my hobbies. Some are on more than one network, typically FB and flickr, and sometimes, LiveJournal, too, and I find it easier and faster to dash off a status, have my main blog post to FB, and leave comments on other people's posts and statuses, than it is to type emails or even type in chat mode. And FB lets me send messages like email, chat, and comment. It's rather versatile. And BFF ventured into that. She wasn't forced, but she gamely jumped in and has been using it, if more sporadically than I do. Still, all was fine. Until a week or so ago.
I was very stressed at work and posted a status on FB to that effect. She left a comment I took seriously but instead apparently, had been meant as a joke, a bit of tongue-in-cheek repartee. But that's not how things can come off online, especially when someone's venting and looking for some cyber hugs or support. I over-reacted and left a comment she took as scolding. She emailed me, said she was hurt and upset.. I emailed back that I can say what I want on my wall. She doesn't have to post on my wall if she doesn't like my responses.
Harsh? Probably. But I would probably not have commented like that on her wall. I wouldn't joke on her wall, either, if she posted she was stressed and her day sucked. I didn't hear back. I wrote again, and told her if she'd just asked me to delete my comment and hers, without scolding me, I would've done just that. As it was, I'd already deleted both. But the issue brings up the matter of "wall etiquette." I think I have the right to say whatever I want on my wall, but I should be more respectful on other people's walls. I'm very cautious when I post elsewhere. On my wall, my sites, my blogs, I pretty much say what I want. Same as I'm doing here, now, pretty much. I don't try to be hurtful, not on my wall/online places, but yeah, sometimes, people get hurt. Is it really that much of a difference to be hurt by a public (in the sense that it's public to my friends, as my posts, comments, etc. are restricted to my friends) post or comment on my wall vs being hurt by an email only two of us see? Painful is painful. She said she was embarrassed and deserved a public apology. On her wall, I would've done that if I thought I had anything to apologize for, or at least, sorry I overreacted! But even though I still feel I had nothing to apologize for, I certainly wouldn't do it on my wall.
These nuances of cyberlife are a bit confusing and I suppose we each have our own ideas re: what's proper.
So, the friendship is over. She felt the need to email me and say she had a longer email written and decided to not send it. Why mention that? Why not just say whatever you have to say, be it the original, longer version, or the shorter "let's just end this" version? Do I need to know there was something longer, something that likely would've been hurtful to me? No. Nor would I feel the need to tell that to someone unless I wanted to stick it to them a bit, dig that verbal knife in and twist a bit without actually saying the hurtful thing. Nuances can be as painful as barbs.
There are, of course, other considerations when a BFFship is over.
So, it's over and I'm sad and relieved, but mostly relieved. And I think of all the things I'll miss, I'll miss her waffles most.
~~~o0o~~~
She was my 3rd official best friend. There was the one in high school (and with whom I am now again friends) and the one from one of my first full-time jobs. And ex-BFF has already been replaced, by someone who over the past few years of tension between me and ex-BFF, slid almost unnoticed into the slot.
Ex-BFF and I became friends first as penpals. We had interests in common and discovered each other through shared interests. We lived only a couple of hours away from each other by train, so we arranged to meet and hit it off immediately. And yet, there were signs, as I look back, of problems.
With new BFF, I've never felt tension. We have political arguments and we back away from that when things get too tense, but it never makes me feel irritated with her. But with ex-BFF, I felt irritation at times, more so as the years progressed. And I know she felt it, too. The time she slammed the phone down, then called back to see if I'd realized she was annoyed was my first sign. And I ignored it. Only when I realized the things we had in common that formed the foundation of our friendship were gone did I see the truth. Our friendship was dying and we were doing nothing to nurture it. Our lives had grown too complicated. Our schedules were too different. Did we grow apart? Did we develop different interests? Or did our differences that once didn't matter become things that couldn't be overlooked or ignored any longer? Unless we found replacements for what was gone, and ways to make the differences not matter again, our friendship would not be nurtured; it would flounder and die. And I couldn't get her to talk with me about it.
And then came the comment on Facebook.
I'd talked her into trying FB, see, because that's where I spend much of my online time. I prefer keeping in touch with friends there than composing long emails. Quick status updates, links to things I like, etc. And FB allows a bit more interaction than Twitter. So she joined FB.
I have a lot of friends I've met online. Some of them, I've even gotten to meet in real life. A few I met through flickr and we've gone out on photoshoots together. I've met a couple of people I know from my AOL days. From the early days of AOL message boards, to today's myriad social networks, I've become comfortable interacting with like-minded and/or interesting people online. A lot of my old schoolmates are on FB as are former work colleagues and friends I've made through my hobbies. Some are on more than one network, typically FB and flickr, and sometimes, LiveJournal, too, and I find it easier and faster to dash off a status, have my main blog post to FB, and leave comments on other people's posts and statuses, than it is to type emails or even type in chat mode. And FB lets me send messages like email, chat, and comment. It's rather versatile. And BFF ventured into that. She wasn't forced, but she gamely jumped in and has been using it, if more sporadically than I do. Still, all was fine. Until a week or so ago.
I was very stressed at work and posted a status on FB to that effect. She left a comment I took seriously but instead apparently, had been meant as a joke, a bit of tongue-in-cheek repartee. But that's not how things can come off online, especially when someone's venting and looking for some cyber hugs or support. I over-reacted and left a comment she took as scolding. She emailed me, said she was hurt and upset.. I emailed back that I can say what I want on my wall. She doesn't have to post on my wall if she doesn't like my responses.
Harsh? Probably. But I would probably not have commented like that on her wall. I wouldn't joke on her wall, either, if she posted she was stressed and her day sucked. I didn't hear back. I wrote again, and told her if she'd just asked me to delete my comment and hers, without scolding me, I would've done just that. As it was, I'd already deleted both. But the issue brings up the matter of "wall etiquette." I think I have the right to say whatever I want on my wall, but I should be more respectful on other people's walls. I'm very cautious when I post elsewhere. On my wall, my sites, my blogs, I pretty much say what I want. Same as I'm doing here, now, pretty much. I don't try to be hurtful, not on my wall/online places, but yeah, sometimes, people get hurt. Is it really that much of a difference to be hurt by a public (in the sense that it's public to my friends, as my posts, comments, etc. are restricted to my friends) post or comment on my wall vs being hurt by an email only two of us see? Painful is painful. She said she was embarrassed and deserved a public apology. On her wall, I would've done that if I thought I had anything to apologize for, or at least, sorry I overreacted! But even though I still feel I had nothing to apologize for, I certainly wouldn't do it on my wall.
These nuances of cyberlife are a bit confusing and I suppose we each have our own ideas re: what's proper.
So, the friendship is over. She felt the need to email me and say she had a longer email written and decided to not send it. Why mention that? Why not just say whatever you have to say, be it the original, longer version, or the shorter "let's just end this" version? Do I need to know there was something longer, something that likely would've been hurtful to me? No. Nor would I feel the need to tell that to someone unless I wanted to stick it to them a bit, dig that verbal knife in and twist a bit without actually saying the hurtful thing. Nuances can be as painful as barbs.
There are, of course, other considerations when a BFFship is over.
- Do I tell mutual friends?
- Do I go to places where I'm sure to run into her with our mutual friends also there?
- And in the age of social media, do I unfriend her? She hasn't so far, unfriended me.
So, it's over and I'm sad and relieved, but mostly relieved. And I think of all the things I'll miss, I'll miss her waffles most.
~~~o0o~~~
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